Art of Nanny
by Under A Cloud
Summary: So when Akatsuki is low on funds, find out what did Pein force two unlucky Akatsuki members to do... Cross-dressing, slight parody. You have been warned.


A one-shot purely for the sake of humor. Don't blame me for getting it out late. I'm trying to keep them as in character as possible. Really. But, slight AU, anyway.

I think the plot is sort of jumpy. Forgive me.

Summary: So when Akatsuki is low on funds, find out what did Pein force two unlucky Akatsuki members to do... Cross-dressing, slight parody. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: SET THE DOGS ON ME! KILL ME! LET ME GET ABDUCTED BY ALIENS! I still don't own Naruto.

**Art of Nanny**

**One-shot production of EbIL cHEEsE-SaMA**

The Sun was bright, the clouds were white, the plants were green. Just another ordinary day. Itachi had checked. The Sun was not about to shine blue nor the plants were ready to turn pink. Perfect.

The raven-haired member of Akatsuki had an emotionless look on his face. Beside him, was his worst enemy in the entire organization. Deidara. Deidara hated him just as much as he hated his bad hair days. Itachi silently prayed. Not for himself. But the leader. If Pein had asked Deidara and him to see him in order to work on a mission together, Itachi would not gaurantee than Pein's head would still be intact on his neck one second after he had told Itachi so. He tapped his feet impatiently and folded his arms.

Deidara flinched and screwed his nose when he saw that Itachi was there. He remembered how Itachi had BLACKMAILED him into the organization. Yup. BLACKMAILED. Deidara's cheek was a light flush of red due to anger and embarrassment. Itachi, THE UCHIHA ITACHI STOLE his collection of make-up and dresses! SO WHAT IF HE LIKES CROSS-DRESSING!? IT IS NOT A CRIME! And what is more, Itachi stole his diary along with it and read through it! Deidara growled in anger. He confessed that he did cocaine in his diary and using these information, he, was, forced, into, this, bloody, organization. Deidara was fuming mad.

"Still angry over the past events, I see. Really, you are just as your abnormal hobby speaks of you. Are you really gay?" Itachi spoke, trying to prick Deidara out of boredom. Deidara, being Deidara, fell into the trick.

"It's all your fault, uh! You disregarded my privacy, yeah! So what if I'm gay? I won't even go as desperate as to like you, uh!" Deidara yelled.

Itachi smirked.

"So, you confesses that you're a gay." Deidara realized his slip of tongue and his cheeks turned even redder from embarrassment.

"None of your business, uh!"

A deep cough caught their attention.

"Get your medicine if you need them, leader," Itachi muttered, just loud enough for Pein to comprehend his words.

"For your imformation, I DON'T need medicine," Pein frowned and said.

"Then stop coughing."

"Whatever, anyway, do you two have any ideas why are you here?" Pein asked. Neither of the two answered. "The organization is lacking money, thus-"

"Why don't we just smuggle drugs, force some women into prositution or do some of the typical bad guys things, uh?" Deidara interrupted rudely.

"The ninja villages are already doing that," Pein glared, "now listen. So, I've decided to take on the unwanted job. This job is offered an incredibly high pay now due to the facts that everyone is doing drug-trafficking and into the prositution business."

"Well? What is it?" Itachi asked, bored.

"Baby-sitter, or better known as, nanny."

Silence.

"Did you just say baby-sitter?" Itachi asked after 5 minutes.

"I did."

"Leader, I never know the extends you would go for Akatsuki. Right now, I'm deeply impressed by you." Itachi said and looked at Pein.

"What are you talking about? I hired a professional to train you two! Since you two are the members with the most free time right now, I decided to start on this project with you two."

Silence, again.

"So even the prodigy makes mistake?" Deidara snickered.

"Comprehend the leader's words first," Itachi stabbed at Deidara's poor brains which was slow in processing words.

"Huh? Oh, WAIT! WHAT, UH? TRAIN US IN BABY-SITTING? THIS IS SO NOT ARTISTIC, UH!"

"Good for you to comprehend the words," Itachi said with hints of sarcasm.

"Now, I want you two to gather at the main hall at 10am later. Don't be late. Your trainer's name is Asaki!" Pein held up his index and middle finger, and disappeared in a puff of smoke without even waiting for the two's reply. Itachi clenched his fists. No way. Absolutely NO WAY. Why the hell would he learn to be a baby-sitter for the sake of this damned organization!?

"I'm leaving. If you are going to the training session which I bet is highly POSSIBLE since you're a crossdresser, tell the trainer this. Uchiha Itachi doesn't want to learn BABY-SITTING and tell her to slap herself if she had expected me to come," Itachi spat and walked back into the hideout, heeding for his room. It took Deidara's brains MINUTES to process the fast words of Itachi.

Itachi sat in his room and stared at the ceiling. Red, black, red, black. Boring. Well, it was boring until someone knocked on his door.

"Just break the door off its hinges." Itachi muttered, slightly pissed off for reasons unknown. And the door did come off its hinges.

"I've already heard from Deidara," Pein said dryly, choosing not to elaborate his sentence. He knew Itachi understood what he meant.

"This completely doesn't fit into the image of our organization," Itachi was straight to the point. He had expected Deidara to report his words to the leader anyway.

"So, do you way to be a gigolo instead?" Pein asked sternly, "gigolos earn a lot too nowadays." Itachi frowned. He was still a virgin for god's sake.

"If you want to be a gigolo so much, by all means, go ahead," Pein smirked, knowing he has Itachi trapped.

"Or vice versa," Itachi suggested and suddenly, Pein realized that he just got kicked out of Itachi's room and... The door mysteriously attached itself to the hinges again?

"Curse him..." Pein muttered and fumbled in his pocket. Yup, Pein, being Pein, well expected this to happen. He took out the object and... The bunch of keys glittered under the light. Wait a moment, THE WHOLE BASE WAS NOT LIT UP! So how did the keys shine? Well, only god knows!

Pein picked out the key which had "Itachi" carved on it. Of course Pein has a set of keys to every room in Akatsuki. How else was he able to snap secret photos of the members and sell them to Akatsuki fans world wide? (A/N: Of course, I'm kidding here.)

He turned the key in the keyhole suddenly stopped. Oh yeah, the photo of Itachi sleeping in nothing but his underwear! (A/N: Don't call me sick. I'm out of ideas.) How could he ever forget!? He had sent the film for developing! He smirked.

"Itachi, why don't we talk nicely?" Pein asked in a rather icky voice.

On the other side of the door, Itachi frowned. Pein always meant something else when he say the word 'nicely'. Topping it up, that icky voice. It sounds like troubles. He walked to the door and opened it. Itachi did not know why he was not surprised by that sinister looking smirk on the face of Pein.

"I didn't want to do this but Itachi... Since you're forcing me into this, I guess I will. Choose it. Baby-sitting or having me sell your sleeping photo in which you were only in your underwear worldwide?" Pein asked. Itachi frowned.

"You're probably going to do it even if I take up the task, so, sell it. I don't give a damn."

And, the door was slammed into Pein's face.

Pein stood outside the door, shocked by Itachi's words, and then, he simply stormed back to his office. He is angry, and that is not a good thing for Akatsuki.

'_Anything,_' he decided. '_I will do ANYTHING to make Itachi go to the course._'

So the war between Pein and Itachi begins.

Meanwhile, the clock shows 10 minutes to 10am.

Deidara, being Deidara, was at the open field. To be frank, he was pretty excited. '_I'm finally learning how to take care of babies!_' Deidara thought happily. And those happy thoughts were broken by a creature that should had never existed.

At that moment, the most horrible creature who had ever walked on Earth, appeared in front of Deidara. '_It's a man, right!?_' Deidara thought, trying to keep his breakfast in his stomach. The, she-male in front of him... Was the start of a disaster. Deidara believed so.

The man in front of Deidara topped him by a good five inches and was EXTREMELY muscular. Though so he had long, curly, dyed golden hair? He wore purple eyeshadow and... He shaved his eyebrows. He wore bright red lipstick and had five piercings on his ears, another on his belly button. He had hairy limbs but he wore a sleeveless open-back pink shirt and a white mini-skirt that revealed his hairy legs. He even wore high heels! What made Deidara sick, though, was the tattoo that was revealed on his back. It was the kanji characters for a she-male. (For chinese readers, it's 'ren yao') '_Gross, sick, disgusting, UGH! A crossdresser worse than me!_' And Deidara just noticed. He wore pink nail polish.

"Oh Deidara, what a pleasure to have you under my wings! I'm Asaki, your trainer! Oh, where's Itachi?" The man whom Deidara assumed to be Asaki hugged Deidara tightly and looked around for Itachi.

Deidara's eyes popped out of their sockets.

He could not take it anymore. He fainted.

His black pupils were no longer in sight. The white portions of his eyes dominated his eye sockets. White foams formed at his mouth and he gave up. What he had for breakfast came out of his stomach through his mouth.

"Oh, dear! Deidara fainted! Someone help!" The man screamed in a high, shrill voice and let go of Deidara. Itachi, who did not quite comprehend the man's words although he heard it, was pissed off by the loud noise.

He strode out of his room and went to the open field.

Itachi's eyes could had popped out. '_Is that thing human?_' Itachi thought and saw Deidara on the ground.

"Oh, oh, help has arrived!" The man squealed when he saw Itachi. "Help Deidara!" Itachi said nothing, but knocked THAT THING out. If he was to see that Asaki for another moment, he would vomit. Pein, who had also came out to check on the commotion, smirked when he saw Itachi on the open field.

"So, the great Uchiha Itachi had decided to learn baby-sitting, eh?"

"Stick a popsicle into your mouth and fire this monster," Itachi muttered. Pein laid his eyes on the she-male who crashed on a seemingly dead Deidara.

"Why don't you move him? We can have pancake for lunch."

**The End**

Just forgive me for this crap. Um, I changed some parts at the last moment so it turned out to be a bit rushed and crappish.


End file.
